Dave Chapelle Funny Quotes Appretiation Thread - theRhombus.com (read-only)
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Dave Chapelle Funny Quotes Appretiation Thread


phish328

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:09:12 -0800
I've noticed during the past month or so the increasing number of Dave Chapelle avatars and quotes (including me). Odvisouly because Chapelle is the manm and his show is fucking hysterical. So this is a chance for all of us rhombusites to show our appretiaiton to his funny "one liners". I'll start, only one per person.

I'm rich biatchh!!!!!!!!

ParkerP38

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:10:24 -0800
Game: Blouses.

MoffTarkin

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:18:09 -0800
I'm Rick James, bitch.

DaGodfatherIII

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:19:18 -0800
Fuck Yo Couch!!!!!!!!

MaoFoam

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:38:36 -0800
What? What? What? What? Yeah!!! Okay!!! What? What?? What? Yeah! (Lil Jon, my new avatar).

She's got them big ol tit-tays.

I had sex with Katie too mein.

Shoot the J. Shoot it.

You two. Show me your titties. Hmm.. I wish I had two extra hands, to give those tities four thumbs down.

Cocaine is one hell of a drug.

Oh no, this is bad. I can't have this sort of image in front of my family, my community. (Tron, the cocaine dealer, after being informed of his arrest)

White Power (The Black white supremacist)

Goodbye fried rice, hello fried chicken (Tiger Woods on being drafted to become 100% black)

Oh and I have always wanted to say this "Fo Shizzle!" (Tiger Woods again)


I can go on. CHAPPELLE SHOW RULES!!!

Heidi

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:40:49 -0800
Spam busters bitch!

That's my favorite new one from internet land. biggrin.gif

phish328

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:46:22 -0800
QUOTE (MaoFoam @ Mar 2 2004, 09:38 PM)
What? What? What? What? Yeah!!! Okay!!! What? What?? What? Yeah! (Lil Jon, my new avatar).

She's got them big ol tit-tays.

I had sex with Katie too mein.

Shoot the J. Shoot it.

You two. Show me your titties. Hmm.. I wish I had two extra hands, to give those tities four thumbs down.

Cocaine is one hell of a drug.

Oh no, this is bad. I can't have this sort of image in front of my family, my community. (Tron, the cocaine dealer, after being informed of his arrest)

White Power (The Black white supremacist)

Goodbye fried rice, hello fried chicken (Tiger Woods on being drafted to become 100% black)

Oh and I have always wanted to say this "Fo Shizzle!" (Tiger Woods again)


I can go on. CHAPPELLE SHOW RULES!!!

man!! I said one per person dry.gif w/e, theyr still hysterical

gophish

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:48:36 -0800
chappele show is good......but it would be so much better if it were live (like snl and such) its still so fucking funny....but having it live makes it better

phish328

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 18:52:23 -0800
QUOTE (gophish @ Mar 2 2004, 09:48 PM)
chappele show is good......but it would be so much better if it were live (like snl and such) its still so fucking funny....but having it live makes it better

i disagree.

some of the funniest things they do would never be possible live.. example, the Slow Motion thing, any of Charlie murphey's stories...cause you couldnt really cut the screens or anything. Also, the fact that it is ALL dave, so he wouldnt be able to do it.

BeatingHippies

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 19:30:14 -0800
Milks gone bad!

Mozambique

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 20:52:10 -0800
"I offer you a truce Charlie Murphy....the stickiest of the icky."


"GRANNY, DON'T!!!"

Judd

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 21:15:35 -0800
From the Mad Real World skit:



Chad: Tyree you had sex with my girlfriend
Tyree: Nah man I didn't have sex with Katie, Lysol had sex with Katie, I was just filmin it.
Katie: No Tyree you had sex with me too.
Tyree: Correction, I had sex with Katie

Hercules Rockefeller

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 22:09:13 -0800
Can't believe this has yet to be posted...

What did....the five fingers say to the face?



SA-LAPP


Rick James behind the bar to Charlie Murphy:

" What? I slapped you?!? Shit, man, that was WEEKS ago!


Or

Rick James is a habitual line-stepper.


I love this show!

Mozambique

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 22:24:24 -0800
I can't really quote it, but the skit where it shows how he'd handle situations at different stages in his life was really funny. When he gets pulled over by the cop, then goes "Hold on Baby" and Karate chops the cop in the neck then drives off was priceless. I can't wait for the second season to come out on DVD....oh wait, it's not even over yet.

Heresdougy

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 05:15:08 -0800
The Asians draft the Wu Tang Klan!

KONICHIWA BITCHES!

Hercules Rockefeller

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 06:20:28 -0800
When the Blacks draft Tiger Woods, his acceptance speech:

"Goodbye Fried Rice, Hello Fried Chicken!!!"

(white boy voice)>For shizzle<(white boy voice)

Obi Wan

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 06:24:56 -0800
QUOTE (Heresdougy @ Mar 3 2004, 08:15 AM)
The Asians draft the Wu Tang Klan!

I think the Wu Tang boys would be reeeeeeal pissed if they saw the way you spelled "Clan" there Dougy.


Jduhigg

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 06:36:21 -0800
"Man Calvin got a Job!" "I'm proud of him man!!!".. "Let's go rob that %*&$^#*

Heidi

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 06:36:22 -0800
QUOTE (Heresdougy @ Mar 3 2004, 08:15 AM)
The Asians draft the Wu Tang Klan!

OMG! blink.gif


Klan? You better run. crazy.gif

Mozambique

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 09:29:25 -0800
seriously....if the RZA doesn't diversify your bonds first, he'll def. slap tha taste out ya mouth, ya heard?

Put It On Toast

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 09:39:43 -0800
"I learned my stroke from you. Thank you Obi Won." when talking to Ron Jeremy

Obi Wan

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 09:55:19 -0800
A classic from Half Baked...

"You have smoked yourself retarded."

Meat

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 12:13:44 -0800
You've Got Great New York Booooooobs

CushionConvector

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 13:19:49 -0800
QUOTE (MoffTarkin @ Mar 2 2004, 09:18 PM)
I'm Rick James, bitch.

enjoy yo-self!

wilsondukeoflizards

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 13:35:10 -0800
From the Vietnam Movie sketch (season 1):

Dave: "Permission to carry out one last mission sarge?"

Sarge: "What is it soldier?"

Dave: "Permission to die, sir"

Sarge: "Permission granted. You report to heaven at 06 hundred soldier"

Dave: "Thanks sarge." [sappy music]

ParkerP38

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 13:41:11 -0800
QUOTE (wilsondukeoflizards @ Mar 3 2004, 09:35 PM)
From the Vietnam Movie sketch (season 1):

Dave: "Permission to carry out one last mission sarge?"

Sarge: "What is it soldier?"

Dave: "Permission to die, sir"

Sarge: "Permission granted. You report to heaven at 06 hundred soldier"

Dave: "Thanks sarge." [sappy music]

I don't remember this one.

CushionConvector

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 14:24:32 -0800
mrs. niggar: well you must be the wetbacks?

other dude: its sanchez and dont call us wetbacks niggar. we find it offensive.....................................................................................................................................(akward silence).................................................................
im just kidding we are the wetbacks.

uumagumma7

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 23:36:44 -0800
i can't believe this one hasn't been said:

Girl, you give me pac-man feva! ab ba ba, ab ba, aabba (weird noise while approachign the neck)

Joe Merlino

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 07:48:55 -0800
"Hey there little fella... SHOTGUN!" (O'Dweeds)

phishyone

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 07:54:39 -0800
what?!!
what?!!
what?!!
yeaaaaah
a moment in the life of lil john

BeatingHippies

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 09:30:09 -0800
The skit last night where the guys from Half Baked ran over the little girl was great.

Think the Truth commercial where the stoners hit the little girl on the bike. They are freakin out in the car and then she gets up and they start screaming and running away. Dave takes her bike,

I've never laughed so hard at a girl getting hit by a car.

Arras

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 09:42:06 -0800
in continuing BH's scene, so in conclusion, if your a little girl under 12 years old, don't get stoned before you ride your bike. (very loosely quoted)

klunco

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 12:20:04 -0800
I thought the skit where he has a "love contract" was hysterical. Him and this girl are about to get it on and he says wait "could you just sign here, here, initial here and sign here if you're okay for anal." She signs the first three but gives him a look for the last one and then they both laugh and he says something like "it was worth a shot."

ndizzle

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 15:53:02 -0800
black white supremecist is by far the funniest thing i will ever watch in my life.


other notables:

"man.. i punched you like two weeks ago"
"nigga yuo smell like freeeeeench fries"
"i wanna pee in yo' food"
"SIR! i am in no shape or for involved in any nagerdom"
"i tell you what jasper said............ "
"why dont you jungle bunnies, TURN THATMUSIC DOOWNN!!!! woogidy woogidy"
"i t-a't i smell't it"

A_minor

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 15:57:53 -0800
Flush the toilet, bitch.

Lyscosome

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 16:08:37 -0800
" Let me get a banana cognac biatch"- Mad Real World

" CHARLIE MURPHY "- Rick James True Hollywood stories

" Konnichiwa bitches" - Rachel Draft

and I cant believe anyone hasnt said this one yet " MMMMM MMMMMM BITCH, ITS MY BEER, ITS A GOOD MUTHA !@#$%& BEER" - Sam Jackson Beer

carini22

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 16:15:47 -0800
"bitch i aint never gonna forgive you for this, get your ass in the car and warm it up"

"thats good leonard, let your emotions out"

"aite im gonan tell you somethin, i aint crazy, and i dont need no damn psychologist, and if you tell anyone i been here, ill fuckin kill you"

"everything in here is confidential leonard"

"well in that case, i am crazy, and ill fuckin kill you"


HAHAHAa

everytime i see Trading Spouses from the 1st season i crack up more than tyrone biggums.

MaoFoam

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 16:21:34 -0800
On last night's Chappelles Show, there was a sketch mocking the truth commercial where the guys in the drive thru accidentally run over the little girl. Chappelle, Jim Bruer, and that Cuban guy from Half-baked hit the girl and run, and it says something along the lines of "Girls between the ages of 10-12 should not ride there bikes after smoking marijuana."

About a year and a half ago my buddy Harris wrote a bunch of sketches making fun of the Truth commercials and I put them to film. All I really did was edit a few of the actual commercials. Like the one where the two guys are sitting in the dads study ripping a bong saying stupid shit like "your sisters hot" and other jargon. then one of them takes out his dad's gun and accidentally shoots his friend.

Well in my film, we edited it so that it seems the friend is saying, "Your sister's hot." And the other friend shoots him for saying that.

Our best one was our satire of the drive-thru commercial. Ours basically stuck to the concept of the original commerical except that the ending caption said "If that little girl hadn't been smoking pot, then maybe she wouldn't have been hit by that car."

Man, I was totally blown away when I saw that on Chappelles show!

This has happened before to me. In the sixth grade, me and my buddies wrote a parody of Offsprings "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" called "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi." About two years after we performed the song for a Purim schpeil at my school, Weird Al released his "Running with Scissors" cd with a song called "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi" on it!

Ours was ten-fold funnier as I recall.

But man this blows chunks how some men just get all the credit, and to everyone else Im just gonna sound like some crazy crackhead! crazy.gif crazy.gif crazy.gif butbut.gif

Joe Merlino

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 16:23:30 -0800
You're clearly an underappreciated genius.

clforbin

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 16:24:39 -0800
yup I think you're crazy or a compulsive liar




tongue.gif
(10)

Andrew59832

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 17:30:37 -0800
"Do you know what dog food tastes like? It tastes just like it smells! Delicious!"

Mozambique

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 17:30:57 -0800
Don't sweat it bro.....a friend of mine came up with Celebrity Poker Challenge months before anyone knew about it. Just bad timing. At least you know your idea was funny.

iwrotethebook

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 08:54:15 -0800
Rick James soundboard...

check it

cmanhatan4

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 09:09:38 -0800
QUOTE (iwrotethebook @ Mar 5 2004, 10:54 AM)
Rick James soundboard...

check it

best

website

ever

great work as usual iwrotethebook

mastershake

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 12:29:59 -0800
yo, wrap it up B

Am i late for the 5:00 free crack givaway

i pee in your pool

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 18:26:27 -0800
wu tang! dude.gif

MaoFoam

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 20:46:28 -0800
QUOTE (iwrotethebook @ Mar 5 2004, 10:54 AM)
Rick James soundboard...

check it

I second that emotion. Good fucking work!

wilsondukeoflizards

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 15:04:13 -0800
"Charlie Murphy is a habitual line-stepper"

Lenny

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 15:08:29 -0800
Awww...Hell No!

or

Damn Girl.



Pretty much every black comedian says those, I just couldn't find any other quotes that weren't already used.

The Man

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 16:09:33 -0800
QUOTE (Heresdougy @ Mar 3 2004, 08:15 AM)
The Asians draft the Wu Tang Klan!

KONICHIWA BITCHES!

laugh.gif

carini22

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 16:26:16 -0800
QUOTE (wilsondukeoflizards @ Mar 8 2004, 11:04 PM)
"Charlie Murphy is a habitual line-stepper"

Rick james is actually, a habitual line stepper.

charlie murphy just checks his ass.

"they shoulda never gave you niggas money!"

c slipper

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 16:38:53 -0800
"All this time I thought I liked chicken because it was delicious, but it turns out I'm genetically predisposed to likin' chicken!"

Obi Wan

Tue, 24 May 2005 10:36:14 -0700
This seems like as good a place to post this as any...

I was watching the Chappelle's Show season 2 DVDs last night and they have 2 new Charlie Murphy stories. One of them is about somebody that is apparently famous, but he won't ever say his name. He just calls him "Darryl." The story is pretty far out of control in typical Charlie Murphy fashion and involves "Darryl" taking a serious beating. Any body heard about this? Does anybody know who "Darryl" really is? I was just curious, and I bet knowing who it is would make the story even funnier.

Bardo

Tue, 24 May 2005 11:25:52 -0700
"It'll get you drunk"

I also love that Cornrow Wallace story. This show is genius and I hope Dave can get it back together. thumbs-up.gif

wilsondukeoflizards

Tue, 24 May 2005 11:37:22 -0700
QUOTE (Bardo @ May 24 2005, 02:25 PM)
"It'll get you drunk"

I also love that Cornrow Wallace story. This show is genius and I hope Dave can get it back together. thumbs-up.gif

Season 3 starts May 31st. Hellz yeah.

Moe_Syzlak

Tue, 24 May 2005 12:06:34 -0700
How 'bout:

"I'm not crazy, just stressed." tongue.gif

plc3

Tue, 24 May 2005 12:25:01 -0700
QUOTE
what did the 5 fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Andrew59832

Tue, 24 May 2005 12:49:06 -0700
Shoot the J. Shoot it!

What can I say about your suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan. It looks bombed out and depleted.

I didn't have sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie.
No, you had sex with me too.
Correction. I had sex with Katie.

Skobenhagen7

Tue, 24 May 2005 13:03:27 -0700
FIF!

Walker Boh

Tue, 24 May 2005 15:24:13 -0700
Wayne Brady: "Here Dave, smoke this." *hands pipe*

Dave: "Uh, no thanks, I don't smoke..."

Wayne: "Smoke it bitch, this ain't no after school special! Smoke it or we're gonna have a problem *points gun*"

Dave "Ok, ok man chill out"

Wayne: "Shit Dave, I didn't know you liked to get wet"

Dave "What was that?"

Wayne "That was PCP Dave"




wilsondukeoflizards

Tue, 24 May 2005 15:50:08 -0700
QUOTE (Walker Boh @ May 24 2005, 06:23 PM)
Wayne Brady:  "Here Dave, smoke this." *hands pipe*

Dave: "Uh, no thanks, I don't smoke..."

Wayne: "Smoke it bitch, this ain't no after school special!  Smoke it or we're gonna have a problem *points gun*"

Dave "Ok, ok man chill out"

Wayne: "Shit Dave, I didn't know you liked to get wet"

Dave "What was that?"

Wayne "That was PCP Dave"

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!"

Hobo Inc.

Wed, 25 May 2005 07:22:38 -0700
" Take me to your special place. Close your eyes. Show me your face. I want to piss on it"

Haymaker

Wed, 25 May 2005 15:05:30 -0700
Tyrone: I'ma tell you something that you might not know about me Joe Rogan. I smoke rocks.

Wilson

Wed, 25 May 2005 15:11:48 -0700
DAVE AS P. DIDDY

"You know what I would do if I didn't have to work? I would go to the movie theatre. I would go to the back row, and take a poop on one of the seats. Then, I would sit in the theatre, and listen to people sit on my poop. And listen to it squish. That shit's funny to me!"

gamehendge223

Wed, 25 May 2005 20:16:13 -0700
Skit: Reparations for slavery
White female reporter: "These black people seem to be breaking their backs to give this money right back to us!"

So racy. PUN INTENDED! dude.gif

A_minor

Thu, 26 May 2005 00:49:47 -0700
Paul Mooney:

"Wheh huh ... Steven King, he almost said ******"
"A horror writer asking a black man a question? There's some scary shit. You wanna horror movie. Here 'tis, I'll give it to you. A black man with a brain. Now that's some scary shit!"


Am I the only one who thinks that Paul Mooney is the funniest motherfucker on the planet? I laugh out loud when I just think about his face.
laugh.gif